Bride demands ‘favors’ of all her friends and family in an attempt to spend $0 on her wedding, gets a hard dose of reality: ‘If you can’t afford [it]… Don't have a wedding for 200 people.'

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  • "My future SIL asked me to buy her wedding decorations and I said no."

    My BIL (husbands brother, 34M) is getting married this summer and his fiance (future SIL, 34F) is calling. on all their friends and family to "do them favours".
  • BIL and FSIL have been dating for about 1.5 years. My DH and I have made a conscious effort to make FSIL feel welcome and included in the family. However, FSIL seems to have zero interest in building a relationship with my DH and I. Which is fine.
  • BIL and FSIL have invited about 200 people to their wedding. Which is a fairly large wedding for where we live. However, BIL doesn't want to spend very much on their wedding. FSIL said that was fine because she can just "call in some favours" and get stuff for free.
  • She asked her photographer friend to photograph their wedding for free. The friend initially agreed but has since dropped out.
  • She asked her caterer friend to cater the wedding for free. Her friend agreed. Then she asked to also get the food for free. And have her make the cake for free. The friend has dropped out of catering for free.
  • She's asked our MIL to bake the wedding cake for the 200 guests for free. MIL agreed She asked her friend with sound equipment to lend them the equipment and set it up at their venue for free. The friend declined.
  • She asked her friend to DJ for free. The friend declined. She asked me to set up all of the wedding decorations for her ceremony. I agreed, she is going to be family after all.
  • However, that then became "can you go to the venue and figure out all the decorations that are needed then go out and source and buy all the decorations". No, I will not be doing that.
  • If you can't afford to have a wedding for 200 people then don't have a wedding for 200 people. It's not everybody else's responsibility to pay for your wedding.
  • FARM FR HSH
  • CraftFamiliar5243 About 20 years ago I was a wedding florist. A bride contacted me asking me to "sponsor" her wedding. I would do the flowers for her for free and she would "recommend me to all her friends". I was like "What, so all your friends could come ask for free flowers?!" I responded that I would be happy to do so but I want my logo embroidered across the back of her gown like NASCAR drivers.
  • Plumb789 I knew a woman (a retired art teacher) who was doing an "artist's open house" as part of our city's arts festival. She decided that she was going to display (and sell) a lot of her own artworks, whilst having a kind of cafe to sell afternoon teas from her (huge) house. She had two "really, really close friends" (her description), and "in order for them to show their support for her", one of them would supply and cook all the food, whilst the other ran the cafe (all
  • the serving, setting up and clearing up afterwards). It was actually going to be quite a big affair because the woman had a lot of art contacts that she had arranged to come. The teacher would have to concentrate on selling her art. Both friends tried to get out of it. The one who was supposed to buy and cook the food said that she had "absolutely zero" money, and was waiting for an operation on her back. The one who was supposed to run the cafe said that she was rubbish
  • at doing anything even remotely like what she was being asked to do. The woman refused to accept their "excuses" and said it was a "one-off event" -she really needed the help, and expected her friends to support her. She was furious at the suggestion that she buy the food herself "if I paid for it, how would I ever make any money?", she said to me, angrily. Somehow, it all seemed to be given the go-ahead.
  • Anyhoo, the day of the event came round and I was at another art event in the city (there were many). I happened to bump into the friend who was supposed to be running the cafe that day. She was sipping champagne and buying some art. I mentioned that I thought she was running the cafe somewhere else that day.
  • "Oh, I really feel unwell today", she said. "I left my friend a voicemail saying I wouldn't be doing it. Why am I here? Oh, I AM well enough to go out shopping! Just nowhere near well enough to run a cafe!" I found out later that the cafe and art sale had been a HUGE car crash. The retired art teacher had rung round everyone she knew trying to get help running the cafe at the last minute.
  • She was out for bld from both of her "best friends" (the woman who had cooked everything refused point blank to also run the cafe, because she was "exhausted"). Fury and permanent enmity (and a huge mess, lost art sales and a massive pile of wasted food) ensued. None of them are speaking to each other to this day. The irony is that the whole thing could potentially have been a great success if the hostess. hadn't been so greedy, entitled and selfish.
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  • andronicuspark Where is your brother in law in all this? Does he realize how many bridges she's torched and they haven't even gotten married yet? What's their honeymoon gonna look like? Ask for a free bottle of champagne because they're newly weds?
  • vocabulazy "Helping" with wedding stuff can sometimes create a lot of resentment. Some folks really expect that their family is going to want to help, financially or in terms of labour. Those folks often get a r de awakening when the people they expect to help won't. Now-a-days, families and friends are all spread out, so sometimes it's hard to help, even if you want to.
  • When I called my parents to tell them I got engaged, my parents said "Congratulations, we're so happy for you! You're having a big wedding. DO NOT give us jobs. Here's some money." I was expecting them to say they didn't want jobs, but I wasn't really expecting them to want a big wedding or to give me money. When we called my in-laws to tell them the same, it was "Congratulations, we're so happy for you! I want to do the flowers! You have to invite these cousins you've never seen, and our friend
  • because she's a big DIY-er. In fact, I think she was a bit disappointed we didn't end up doing more ourselves. In my family, it's common for all the women to get roped into being a sweatshop for wedding centrepieces and favours. I didn't want to do that for my wedding, because I always hated the sense of obligation surrounding family weddings. We had a budget-with about 65% from my parents and 35% from my husband and I. We stuck to it like glue. I made my invitations and my husband and I
  • made our favours (jars of sour cherry jelly), I made the big seating chart, and table numbers. My MiL made and paid for materials for bouquets and boutonnières. Flowers for the tables and the church were made by a local florist. Everything else was rented. I had a wedding planner, so no one had to come early to set up, or stay up late to take down. It
  • was the right way to do it for us-especially because none of us lived in the city we got married in, which we chose because a lot of our family lived close, could fly in, and there was a lot of relatives to stay with and inexpensive accommodation for folks who were coming in from out of town.

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